he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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