I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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