just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
