he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
