Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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