Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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