Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
