It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
