Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
