Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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