I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
