remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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