I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
