Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
