Where did you get a picture of my penis
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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