question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I party with great urgency now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
