Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
