Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
