we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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