He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize