I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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