Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's like heaven, but drunker
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
