he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
