Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
