so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
being pregnant is like rehab
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
