Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
