my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize