New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
