I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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