wanna go halves on a baby?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
