Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
