im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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