it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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