How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
