dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
