If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
