I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
