The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
