NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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