and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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