I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
