I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
