Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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