Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
