hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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