Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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