When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
