can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
