Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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