So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
