just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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