just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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