Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
