And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
