She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize