Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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