i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
