Moan for me like Helen Keller
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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Ketchup is God's man juice
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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