I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
