I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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