i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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