why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
