you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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