the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
