I think I am morally bankrupt
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
