ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
